" Could it be that it's true that it's you... " - Could It Be, Kim Possible soundtrack
I'm listening to that on my iPod right now.
Anyway, short post to say, happy June. Though it's already been June for a day.
There's so much happening this saturday, and I don't know if I'll be able to really get through it without breaking down at some point. But I'll try. It's not all depressing, so I'll just cling to the fun parts and act crazier than normal to make up for it.
1) He's going back to Japan that morning. Not sure what time he's leaving, or when he'll arrive.
2) There's a cosplay that afternoon at the library, and I'm going to dress up as Amane Misa from Death Note, since brother bought me her Death Note for my birthday/Christmas.
Maybe I'll win something and it'll brighten my mood.
So yeah.
xoxo
02 June, 2010
16 May, 2010
first love ,
"Ashita no imagoro ni wa / Watashi wa kitto naite 'ru / Anata wo omotte 'ru n' darou / You are always gonna be my love / Itsu ka dare ka to mata koi ni ochite mo / I'll remember to love / You taught me how / You are always gonna be the one / Ima wa mada kanashii love song / Atarashii uta utaeru made... "
Translation: " Tomorrow at this time / I will probably be crying / I will probably be thinking about you / You are always gonna be my love / even if I fall in love with someone once again / I'll remember to love / You taught me how / You are always gonna be the one / It's still a sad song / Until I can sing a new one... "
"It's better to love and lost than to never have loved at all."
He wasn't my first boyfriend, and not even my first betrothed...but he was the first that I honestly felt strongly about.
I learned yesterday during a bit of an argument between us that he has an illness that is supposed to kill him within the next month. It honestly felt that I was going to have...no, I did have a breakdown. What hurt even more was that, while having to discuss it, he broke it off with me...our relationship in it's entirety. Engagement and all.
Why? Because I somehow convinced him that I would kill myself when he dies, and he was thoroughly opposed to it.
This explained several things, however. Why it felt that, even months ago, he was hesitant. Why I felt more worried about him than I normally do for my friends. Why I felt a sort of unexplainable sense of impending doom.
One thing that I questioned him about (considering the fact that he knew what was coming, and, according to him, has been going on for seven months) was why. Why he even proposed to me, knowing that he probably doesn't have that much time left. He responded that he wanted to. Not to hurt me, either. He said that he loves me that much, and wanted to be with me, no matter how short that remaining time was.
We both found it rather indescribable that we even lasted as long as we did, what with our arguments here and there, insecurities, and constantly thinking that we were hurting/annoying each other. He even pointed it out during one of our little arguments, and asked if I really wanted to stay with him, even if he seemed to hurt me at some point every day. I told him I did. Still do.
It wasn't too long after we stopped talking last night to cool down that we spoke again. And got back together.
It hurts knowing that we won't have that much time left together (unless, and I'm really praying, there's a miracle that delays it), and even more so that I may not be able to see him before it happens. But I think I'm more thankful that he did slip up and tell me. If he hadn't, and I'd only found out when it happened, I honestly don't know if I could deal with it.
So now...I just hope and pray that there is a miracle and he survives for longer than expected. I've honestly never felt this way about anyone else. He's really the love of my life, and I don't want to lose him so soon.
xoxo
Translation: " Tomorrow at this time / I will probably be crying / I will probably be thinking about you / You are always gonna be my love / even if I fall in love with someone once again / I'll remember to love / You taught me how / You are always gonna be the one / It's still a sad song / Until I can sing a new one... "
-- "First Love" : Utada Hikaru
"It's better to love and lost than to never have loved at all."
He wasn't my first boyfriend, and not even my first betrothed...but he was the first that I honestly felt strongly about.
I learned yesterday during a bit of an argument between us that he has an illness that is supposed to kill him within the next month. It honestly felt that I was going to have...no, I did have a breakdown. What hurt even more was that, while having to discuss it, he broke it off with me...our relationship in it's entirety. Engagement and all.
Why? Because I somehow convinced him that I would kill myself when he dies, and he was thoroughly opposed to it.
This explained several things, however. Why it felt that, even months ago, he was hesitant. Why I felt more worried about him than I normally do for my friends. Why I felt a sort of unexplainable sense of impending doom.
One thing that I questioned him about (considering the fact that he knew what was coming, and, according to him, has been going on for seven months) was why. Why he even proposed to me, knowing that he probably doesn't have that much time left. He responded that he wanted to. Not to hurt me, either. He said that he loves me that much, and wanted to be with me, no matter how short that remaining time was.
We both found it rather indescribable that we even lasted as long as we did, what with our arguments here and there, insecurities, and constantly thinking that we were hurting/annoying each other. He even pointed it out during one of our little arguments, and asked if I really wanted to stay with him, even if he seemed to hurt me at some point every day. I told him I did. Still do.
It wasn't too long after we stopped talking last night to cool down that we spoke again. And got back together.
It hurts knowing that we won't have that much time left together (unless, and I'm really praying, there's a miracle that delays it), and even more so that I may not be able to see him before it happens. But I think I'm more thankful that he did slip up and tell me. If he hadn't, and I'd only found out when it happened, I honestly don't know if I could deal with it.
So now...I just hope and pray that there is a miracle and he survives for longer than expected. I've honestly never felt this way about anyone else. He's really the love of my life, and I don't want to lose him so soon.
xoxo
22 April, 2010
bouken desho desho?
My library has this thing called "Byki Online", which is essentially a language learning system thing. It has a whole bunch of languages on it that it can teach you, including Japanese.
Yes, I am in the Japanese learning one.
It's awesome, because it has flash cards that it shows you the kanji/symbol for the word, plus the romanization, and then the English. Of course, for me, it's only helping with my verbalisation and romanization. I still fail at trying to write in kanji.
Anyway, I've learned new words, though the ones they say in the romanization for some I already know is weird.
Example: I write "gomen nasi" for I'm sorry. They put "moushiwake arimasen". And for Please, I generally just use "onegai", but they put "onegai shimasu".
And they spelt "gozaimasu" as "godzaimasu".
It's transliterated.
Anyway, I'm going to work on a website design. A personal one. It'll take a while though, as I want to photoshop the background and whatnot, then add on several pages.
I wish I had a job. But I want a job that I enjoy, like acting. Then I wouldn't hate so much going into work and feel unmotivated. It's always better to be doing something you enjoy, rather than barely tolerate.
Mmm. So, that's it. Time to do other things.
<3
Yes, I am in the Japanese learning one.
It's awesome, because it has flash cards that it shows you the kanji/symbol for the word, plus the romanization, and then the English. Of course, for me, it's only helping with my verbalisation and romanization. I still fail at trying to write in kanji.
Anyway, I've learned new words, though the ones they say in the romanization for some I already know is weird.
Example: I write "gomen nasi" for I'm sorry. They put "moushiwake arimasen". And for Please, I generally just use "onegai", but they put "onegai shimasu".
And they spelt "gozaimasu" as "godzaimasu".
It's transliterated.
Anyway, I'm going to work on a website design. A personal one. It'll take a while though, as I want to photoshop the background and whatnot, then add on several pages.
I wish I had a job. But I want a job that I enjoy, like acting. Then I wouldn't hate so much going into work and feel unmotivated. It's always better to be doing something you enjoy, rather than barely tolerate.
Mmm. So, that's it. Time to do other things.
<3
21 April, 2010
blog title
"All The Things She Said" is a song by t.A.T.u (Yes, that is how it's spelled out; it's pronounced like "tattoo").
The song itself is actually talking about a girl who's in love with another girl and doesn't care what the others say because she wants to run away with her.
...Basically.
The two girls who formed t.A.T.u were actually not lesbians, and it was supposedly some kind of publicity thing to sell more (by saying that they were lesbians, that is). Anyway, I am heterosexual, thanks. The songs are just awesome.
Moving on, I am female, too, so the title fits. I am saying things in my blog, right? ^^
Anyway, just thought I should say that. Moving on, I have washed my hair and am about to blow dry and straighten it. I've never done this completely, so it's going to take longer than when my mum does it. Unfortunately. We're not on good terms right now, so she's not wanting to really do anything for me. That, coupled with the fact that I am legally an adult (by almost a year now) and should be doing this myself anyway.
Why can't I stay a child?
<3
The song itself is actually talking about a girl who's in love with another girl and doesn't care what the others say because she wants to run away with her.
...Basically.
The two girls who formed t.A.T.u were actually not lesbians, and it was supposedly some kind of publicity thing to sell more (by saying that they were lesbians, that is). Anyway, I am heterosexual, thanks. The songs are just awesome.
Moving on, I am female, too, so the title fits. I am saying things in my blog, right? ^^
Anyway, just thought I should say that. Moving on, I have washed my hair and am about to blow dry and straighten it. I've never done this completely, so it's going to take longer than when my mum does it. Unfortunately. We're not on good terms right now, so she's not wanting to really do anything for me. That, coupled with the fact that I am legally an adult (by almost a year now) and should be doing this myself anyway.
Why can't I stay a child?
<3
three wishes...
...I'm listening to that song right now.
"Three Wishes" by The Pierces.
It's a good song.
Anyway, I'm going to audition for a movie... Hopefully. I need a camera and to think of some kind of story for the audition tape. Something embarrassing/crazy that happened to me/that I did.
I'm not sure about it. My memory is currently shot.
On another note, I'm going to be coding a layout for my myspace. I've wanted to do it for a while, I just don't know how to design the background. CSS is easy, once you understand how it works, which I do.
Plus, I'm going to be a web designer. It's imperative that I know CSS, HTML, X-HTML, and the rest. -sigh-
Anyway, back to designing and coding.
<3
"Three Wishes" by The Pierces.
It's a good song.
Anyway, I'm going to audition for a movie... Hopefully. I need a camera and to think of some kind of story for the audition tape. Something embarrassing/crazy that happened to me/that I did.
I'm not sure about it. My memory is currently shot.
On another note, I'm going to be coding a layout for my myspace. I've wanted to do it for a while, I just don't know how to design the background. CSS is easy, once you understand how it works, which I do.
Plus, I'm going to be a web designer. It's imperative that I know CSS, HTML, X-HTML, and the rest. -sigh-
Anyway, back to designing and coding.
<3
20 April, 2010
{moon.revenge}
I've decided I randomly wanted to make one of these...
Never really tried it before...
So, here's the first post, haha.
<3
Never really tried it before...
So, here's the first post, haha.
<3
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